I don’t trust a bank, so I received my lottery winnings as cash, and stuffed it into a mattress. Stereotypical, until you realize that my “space-age” material mattress is really a portal into a mountain, not unlike Norad or those other government things in the movies. The problem arose when I brought my dog home from a Christmas party where everybody dressed as Santa Claus. It was fun, there were a lot of drunks, but somehow my dog grew an extra set of teeth. He is a gifted animal. I noticed his ability to play video games. Angry birds was his favorite. Like I said, everything was fine until that Christmas morning, when we woke up. Santa Claus had come, and his body was left in the fireplace, halfway charred. As I mentioned, the dog is gifted, but for games, not firestarting. There were obvious tooth marks on Santa Claus, and I thought of how much money it would take to go around the world every year. Even the Florida lottery hasn’t had winnings that plentiful! Oh, the teeth, right. Well, that dog ate all my money, and now the portal is closed. Too bad, because there was a machine stored in there that could predict the winning lottery numbers every time. Catch 22, anyone?